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8 1/2 Ray Hunley   Netflix DVD   25 September 2005 I was really looking forward to giving this film 0 stars and writing a review slamming dorks who fawn over Fellini because they were told to in film class. It wasn't that bad though - a few interesting scenes, well-filmed, well-acted - particularly Marcello Mastroianni as the charmingly buffoonish Guido,. Yeah, I get it, it's a film about Fellini's frustration at not being able to complete a film; it's a brutally honest self-portrait; it's got SELF-REFERENCE and DREAM SEQUENCES; Fellini loved women, blah freakin' blah. I get it, I just don't care. The insights are as shallow as the characters, and the story is just this side of wearisome, so what's the freakin' point?

A Free Soul (1931 B&W) A Bennett   VHS Hollywood Video Rental   24 January 2003 Clark Gable and Leslie Howard lock horns nearly a decade prior to playing (can I say 'rivals'?) rivals in Gone with the Wind. This film, standing on the cusp of silent films becoming talkies, showcases the scenery-eating oft found in the former. Humorous when watched in a group. If watched alone, a bit of a head scratcher.

About Schmidt Ray Hunley   DVD   15 June 2003 Didn't Sally Struthers star in the original? The best part of the film was the first minute and a half: Schmidt dutifully waits out the final seconds of his last day before retirement, looking stoicly up at the clock among the remnants of his career, boxed up and carefully labeled. After that it was "Warren R. Everyman has some mildly interesting experiences and finds a piddling redemption from an utterly expected source". The characters were somehow spot-on realistic and hackneyed at the same time. I found it hard to care about any of them. Good acting, nice looking film, BFD.

Alien Vs. Predator. Ray Hunley   Comcast On Demand   13 November 2005 Thought I'd get all the crap movies out of the way this weekend. Wasn't as bad as I expected, though it was still pretty bad.

Amélie Ray Hunley   Netflix DVD   26 November 2006 This movie was a huge steaming pile. -1 for using a narrator, -1 for stupid, cutesy effects (Amélie melting into a puddle in shame/disappointment, using a "telestrator" to highlight, e.g., a key dropped in Amélie's pocket, etc.) -1 for breaking the 4th wall, -1 for glorifying meddling in other peoples' lives, -1 for the ridiculous, cliched device of using the girl in the painting as a conversational surrogate for Amélie, -1 for Amélie falling instantly for some dork scrounging around under a photo machine, -1 for the sophomoric "X likes/X doesn't like" character introduction device, -1 for being French, -1 for being smarmy crap, +3 for Audrey Tautou.

Analyze That Steve Gadd   DVD   15 May 2003 Lame followup leaves one thankful that there are no more demonstrative pronouns.

Beautiful A Bennett   TiVo'd from the Oxygen Network   27 June 2003 Denial of self, denial of offspring. Welcome to "Beautiful," a film that could have been better. A film with three, solidly good moments (more than most films get), yet a film that was like a ship without a rudder (even though Sally Field was supposed to be directing). Things that worked (like the intriguing relationship of the two main characters, both female) were not fully realized, and things that worked better as a metaphor than as a literal situation (beauty pageants) were beat to death, particularly in the last 45 minutes of the two and a half hour production (with commercials).

Bedazzled Julie Gephart   Mysteriously free HBO   21 January 2003 Can you even comprehend the stunning beauty that is Elizabeth Hurley? CAN YOU? I'm surprised Brendan Fraser could even stand in the same room with her for some of these scenes, much less manage to deliver any lines. I would recommend watching this movie without sound in order to spare yourself from the entirely stupid plot of geek-selling-soul-to-devil.

Better Than Chocolate Julie Gephart   Mysteriously free HBO   09 February 2003 Story of a young girl trying to manage the clash between her new artistic hippie lesbian subculture and her depressed, sexually repressed mom who moves in with her after a divorce. Also, it was a terrible, stupid movie.

Bringing Up Baby Julie Gephart   Basic cable   15 November 2003 The combination of Katharine Hepburn and a pet leopard seemed like a sure-fire winner, but… not so much. I’m just not a fan of this type of slapstick, everything-goes-wrong comedy.

Bulletproof Monk A Bennett   Milford Gigantic Cineplex   19 April 2003 I will watch Chow Yun-Fat do anything. I can say that now, having paid to see this film.

Caché Steve Gadd   DVD   21 October 2006 Much like "Lost Highway," but, being French, deprives the viewer of any satisfaction in the end.

Catch Me If You Can Steve Gadd   DVD   03 June 2003 What could be an interesting hourlong documentary becomes a bore in this slow-paced non-drama.

Celeste in the City A Bennett   TiVo'd from ABC Family   28 March 2004 Proposed Death Match: Ethan Embry's Signature 'Troubled' Look vs. Michael Vartan's Signature 'Concerned' Look. A film that re-inforced every stereotype I'd ever heard about gay men--including the one about how sometimes they are listed in the credits as; 'Deborah Gibson'.

Changing Lanes Steve Gadd   DVD   04 July 2003 Not an action movie as expected, but a meandering story about two guys getting really angry at each other and then working it out. Second movie in two days to feature a grey Toyota Corolla.

Coogan's Bluff Ray Hunley   Netflix DVD   12 November 2005 Clint Eastwood is a lawman from Arizona assigned to bring back a fugitive from New York City. That most of the humor in the film comes from people mistaking his origin as Texas tells you pretty much all you need to know. Lee J. Cobb, at least, should have known to stay away from this stinker.

Cyborg 2 Julie Gephart   Basic cable   01 November 2003 Haiku review: See young teen robot / Angelina Jolie and / teeth of Jack Palance.

Dark Blue Ray Hunley   Netflix DVD   29 March 2005 About what you'd expect. Forgettable

Dr. No Julie Gephart   Basic cable   05 July 2004 So, Mr. Bond, we meet at last. I felt a little cheated, since there was not a single gadget in the whole movie. The plot culminated in Bond, James Bond creating a meltdown in a nuclear reactor that caused the whole plant to explode. Yes, on purpose. No, I don’t understand. Maybe he sprayed down the whole area with a special MI6 Radiation-B-Gone product when I wasn’t looking.

Dude, Where's My Car Julie Gephart   Mysteriously free HBO   05 January 2003 Ok, it was bad. You know going into it that it's going to be bad, and yet it can still surprise you with how bad it is. That's a special movie. It still made me laugh here and there, because man, I just really kind of love that Big Dumb Ashton Kutcher.

Eşkıya Steve Gadd   bittorrent cinema   31 January 2009 The best parts were the makings of a watchable film; can't quite make out how the rest got in.

East of Eden Tony Pisarenkov   American City Diner, Washington, DC   15 October 2003 James Dean couldn't act any better than he could drive his Porsche. But I do want to read Steinbeck's book now.

Enigma A Bennett   VHS - 2003 Jeremy Northam Film Festival   16 February 2003 [From original entry: This is the second time we've rented this film. The DVD still doesn't work in our machine. Obviously, we're not meant to see it--but not for lack of trying.] Yes, in switching to VHS-format, we were finally able to view this film. World War Two, codebreaking, and post-nervous breakdown mathematicians spell one thing: Tom Stoppard. But, though his name is credited as the only screenwriter, I choose to believe some has stolen his identity. A sad Dougray Scott gives a sad, wet performance (which is a good thing, trust me), but little if anything is salvageable from this production. Again, another historical mystery that should have been frightening and deliciously dark to unravel, but instead it is the script that unravels, and the lackluster production. Despite the sinking all around him, Jeremy Northam makes the most delicious (and best-dressed) secret agent/spy in recent memory. With a beautiful blue hat and a cunning smile he's in fine nick here, and sans mustache.

Female Trouble Tony Pisarenkov   DVD at home   24 June 2006 Vintage John Waters. What less could you want?

Fierce Creatures Ray Hunley   Netflix DVD   23 March 2005 Younger, dumber sibling of "A Fish Called Wanda". Not worth it.

Flashdance Julie Gephart   Basic cable   09 October 2003 From the E! True Hollywood Story, I learned that the final casting decision was made by showing audition tapes to a collection of 50 teamsters, gaffers, and other assorted Manly Men from the studio lot. They voted they’d rather sleep with Jennifer Beals than Demi Moore, and that was that. I think of this as proof that Jerry Bruckheimer was Jerry Bruckheimer even before he was Jerry Bruckheimer.

Gosford Park Julie Gephart   VHS Rental   10 November 2002 I'm sure this was really an excellent film Oscar blah blah blah. Nevertheless, it gets a 4 from me because after two and a half hours, I still couldn't tell most of the characters apart. I also found it unsatisfying that its "central plot" only took up a few scenes that seemed no more important than any other random scenes from the movie.

Greystoke: The Legend of Tarzan, Lord of the Apes (1984) A Bennett   TiVo'd from BRAVO   31 October 2003 It seemed like a great idea to pluck a child raised by a feral clan of jungle gorillas and christen him Earl of Greystoke--one of the late 18th century's more elite titles. Only then, he went a little crazy, and it seemed like time to rethink the proposition before somebody ended up dead. (Not once in this three-plus hour film did the name Tarzan get uttered. Not ONCE.) There is something (at least something that I find) mystically compelling about Christopher Lambert onscreen. I'm not sure it's something that can be expressed in human language. This film was two years before 1986's Highlander.

Hackers (1995) A Bennett   Live television, channel unknown   01 November 2003 No small wonder that a "tech" film pre-dating widespread knowledge and use of the internet does not play as laughably outdated near 10 years later.

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets A Bennett   DVD borrowed from Dad   25 August 2003 Between this and film one, the children look like they've aged ten years. Seriously. A lot of the acting in these films is not so great. Especially the girl's. The actor who plays Harry seems to have good and bad days--making his performance uneven. Also, I imagine there is a lot of blue screen work, staring into nothing. And we've all seen how that can affect the work of even good actors, such as Ewan MacGregor. The boy playing Ron is the only one who seems to consistently get his character right, but then, maybe Ron's an easier job than the other two. The large mystery of this script, to me, is that the main plot that holds the novel together (Tom Riddle/Ginny Weasley/the diary) is barely dealt with. Adaptations can be hard to get right (see the many treatments of Little Women), but with the kind of budget a film like this must command, and source material that would already seem to lend itself to the screen, you wouldn't think that the credits would roll and you'd feel like something was missing--like you'd watched an illustrated (but not interpreted) version of the novel, paging through fully-realized sets without any emotional investment, save what you brought from your travels among the books. Reading a Harry Potter novel is one of the more enjoyable pasttimes of the last decade. It is a pity and a disappointment that watching a Harry Potter movie is so far less than that.

Haunted Mansion Mike Gadd   dvd rental   14 January 2005 Eddie Murphy doing the silly dad routine. Special effects weren't too bad. A little creepy at times.

Hidalgo Mike Gadd   Borrowed video   03 September 2004 No wonder this movie didn't last 2 weeks at the theater. Some nice scenery and all but the story was just pitiful. Wooden acting combined with bad stereotypes. Hurricane coverage is more exciting.

Hitch Steve Gadd   DVD   14 August 2005 This film would be so easy to pitch to a producer. The James Bond of matchmakers runs into Manhattan's most avowedly single tabloid gossip columnists, and sparks fly. The script goes on autopilot. While I'm not a fan of the genre, this kind of movie can be entertaining if the writing is sharp. Alas, the writing, and the movie, were dull.

Intermezzo: A Love Story (1939) A Bennett   TiVo'd from WPTD, PBS station   30 June 2003 A violinist abandons his wife and two children, and a piano student (also his daughter's instructor) abandons her prestigious scholarship to run away together--but always with the shadow of what they have done, and the other lives they have ruined, lurking at every turn. A love story where the lovers are amorous not only toward one another, but also toward their music. As Holger, Leslie Howard performs his role with undisguised egoism, and a frustrated anger I kept expecting to boil over. Ingrid Bergman (Anita), as always, is beyond enchanting. A film (like Waterloo Bridge) where the word 'lover' or any mention of what is actually taking place between the leads is never spoken; yet the audience is left in no doubt. Amazing to me, watching current films, that this entire piece reaches completion in 70 minutes. Hollywood: take note!

Jarhead Steve Gadd   DVD   15 April 2006 You might be under the impression that this is a war movie. No, it's a movie about marines stuck in the desert fighting boredom, and the viewer is drawn right into the struggle. It didn't help that there were frequent reminders of movies like "Full Metal Jacket" and "Apocalypse Now" and "Baraka."

Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter Steven Krise   Brian's Crib   26 April 2008 Jesus Christ battles the vampiric horde that is eating up all of Ottawa's lesbians by the power of his kung fu. I give it a 10 out of 10 for campy irreverence, but the production did suck exceeding hard...verily.

Life Aquatic with Steve Zassou Mike Gadd   dvd rental   08 August 2005 I don't know what happened. Maybe I was hoping for a sequel to 'Lost in Translation'. Everything I heard going in was just what I was looking for. Even as I read the user comments on imdb I'm wondering if I need to see it again. It just didn't do anything for me. Sure, I remember Jacques Cousteau and the red hat. I heard the David Bowie songs in Portuguese. Cate Blanchett is a fine actress. Bill Murray can deadpan. 1+1+1+1 didn't equal a good movie for me. I did enjoy the cross-section of the ship as they walked through it. There were a couple of lines that made me smile. Maybe I'll enjoy my other rental more.

Marat/Sade Tony Pisarenkov   DVD at home   01 March 2008 I suppose it takes the Royal Shakespeare Company to peddle sixties' counterculture as delivered by insane asylum inmates in early XIX-century France.

Masterpiece Theatre: Dr. Zhivago A Bennett   TiVo'd in two parts from Kentucky PBS   10 November 2003 Attempting to explain (to Westerners) the Russian mind, culture and political climate at the early part of the last century is no easy task--even given four hours. This adaptation of the novel chose to focus heavily on the fleshly aspects of the adulterous tale--no doubt as they best showcased the lovely-as-a-vision Keira Knightly.

Matrix: Revolutions Kristin Schrock   Showcase Cinemas   11 November 2003 I worked hard to like this movie. I was probably one of the few that enjoyed the 2nd movie. And then the Wachowski Brothers forgot the simple rule of story: it's about the characters, stupid. Morpheus and Trinity get relegated to the background--that offense is hard to forgive. Even Neo seems secondary. I never thought I'd say this, but the Wachowski's probably could've taken a few cues from George Lucas in Return of the Jedi (ewoks notwithstanding). There is not much fun to be had, here, but I will say this: Hugo Weaving is, as always, excellent and Gina Torres is very pretty.

Me & Mrs. Jones A Bennett   TiVo'd from Masterpiece Theatre   17 March 2004 Still a bit fuzzy on what made this a 'masterpiece'. Probably not a good sign my favorite character barely spoke. Sorry, PBS--you're just going to have to work pretty hard to get me to cheer for an adultery-based love affair.

Meet the Fockers Steve Gadd   DVD   29 May 2005 Just about what you would expect.

Metropolis (2001) Ray Hunley   Netflix DVD   08 August 2005 This anime "re-imagining" of Fritz Lang's boring classic involves a young boy and a huge-eyed android girl.

Monsoon Wedding A Bennett   Hollywood Video DVD Rental   08 February 2003 Where was all the rain? Where? I loved the father/uncle in this picture by the end. I do believe the DVD-viewing experience would be greatly enhanced if it included even the briefest documentary on traditional Indian weddings, as this was the first Indian film I have ever watched, and I am all but ignorant of their culture.

Oceans Twelve Kristin Schrock   In-Flight Movie   03 June 2005 Complete dren. Brad Pitt is still very pretty.

One Way Out Ray Hunley   Netflix DVD   30 March 2005 A cop flick with James Belushi. What in the world was I thinking?

Run Lola Run Ray Hunley   Netflix DVD   26 June 2005 The original German title was Lola Rennt, but it should have been Lola Saugt. A silly, modernish story of Lola trying to get 100,000 Marks to save her puling boyfriend from a ruthless drug dealer. The same story is presented three different ways in three successive segments, all of which are annoying.

Run Ronnie Run Jaqi Ross   DVD   04 April 2004 Both Bob and David (the creators) agree that all in all, the movie is not that great. While it definitely has some very funny moments, the current cut of the movie that is out there being screened and traded on the internet, just isn't that good.

Secret Window Steve Gadd   DVD   25 March 2005 Stephen King wrote this story about an author and a psycho, violent reader who makes his life miserable. Another movie that blends reality and fantasy to provide an easy way out.

Shaun of the Dead Ray Hunley   HBO On Demand   11 November 2005 Not worth breaking my word for. Slackers Shaun and Ed try to save the day in this semi-send-up of the genre. Just weak.

Shaun of the Dead Tony Pisarenkov   DVD chez C&S   17 February 2008 More cute than funny.

Sideways Steve Gadd   Fairfax Cinema De Lux   03 December 2004 Occasionally funny, slow-paced ridealong with mismatched friends through wine country. The depressive, wine snob author can't pull himself together enough to score, while his actor buddy can't help but to charm the ladies. The scenery is beautiful and the acting and dialog are perfect, but this kind of film is an acquired taste.

Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith Tony Pisarenkov   Fairfax Corner Umpteen, Fairfax, VA   28 May 2005 Not the most boring movie ever made, but you wouldn't know that just from looking at it.

Sunset Boulevard Ray Hunley   Netflix DVD   05 April 2005 This film is a perfect illustration of my long-standing contention that no degree of production value can overcome a mediocre story. Gloria Swanson has a few good lines ("I *am* big; it's the *pictures* that got small."), but overall she ridiculously overplays the part of the washed-up silents star. We learn in the first scene that William Holden's character is dead, and everyone else is a self-absorbed nutjob, so who freakin' cares?

The Animatrix A Bennett   Hollywood Video DVD   08 June 2003 Series of nine anime shorts based on various aspects of the Matrix film(s) and concept. Varying in quality and my own level of interest in what they chose, individually, to address. As I was expecting more from it, a disappointment. Expected level of enjoyment: Viewing Logan’s Run. Actual level of enjoyment: Watching friend play newest Tomb Raider. (Aside: Explosions will never replace compelling storyline for me--even less so when the explosions and what they are exploding are animated.)

The Cat's Meow A Bennett   Hollywood Video Rental   01 September 2002 Let me save you some time: Charlie Chaplin was a good-hearted cad, and William Randolph Hearst a jealous, unstable man. For the same characters, but more fun, rent RKO 281 (about the making of Citizen Kane) with the excellent Liev Schreiber as Orson Welles and enjoy yourself.

The Chronicles of Riddick Mike Gadd   Matinsburg Regal   25 June 2004 Visually full, but difficult to follow. I can't say I cared too much about the characters either. It helps if you're into things like Nuromongers and the underverse.

The Cooler Ray Hunley   Netflix DVD   01 August 2005 Offensively ridiculous story starring William H. Macy as a loser whose luck takes a turn for the better, unfortunately. Also has that dude from Office Space.

The Crow Julie Gephart   Basic cable   23 June 2003 I always had this movie filed in the back of my mind as one I would enjoy, so I'm sorry to report that I did not. Something about Brandon Lee just never quite fit into the role for me, and I think it may have centered around his high, cheerful voice coming out of the body of the scary goth clown. The best thing about this movie is that it reminded me of how much I used to love hot dogs smothered in mustard and onions, although the movie cop also unfortunately added ketchup to his.

The Firm Steve Gadd   DVD   24 June 2003 The abridgement and distortion may have been necessary to bring this novel to the screen, but it just doesn't create the same suspense. What made the viewing worthwhile was the weird deja vu feeling of seeing a Tom Cruise character lose all of his life's anchors, struggle to figure out what is going on and what to do while maintaining the appearance of normalcy -- a prefigurement of the role he would play six years later in Eyes Wide Shut.

The Great Stork Derby A Bennett   Lifetime Original Movie   06 January 2003 The US doesn't have the market entirely cornered on really embarrassing historical events. This film depicts a race among (largely impoverished) Canadian women during the Depression attempting to give birth the most times over ten years in order to be awarded $1 million (Canadian) from a crackpot's strange will. Also chronicles the Toronto Star's complicity in covering (and in many ways) creating the event. A sad, sorry chapter in anyone's history.

The Guru A Bennett   Hollywood Video VHS rental   06 July 2003 Not as good as I wanted it to be. Should have focussed more on the (what I'm told is called) Bollywood connection, and less on the predictably bland romcom formulae. Heather Graham has devolved into all eyes and bone structure. Someone call craft services, stat.

The Heist Kristin Schrock   DVD   01 March 2003 This gets low marks just because a David Mamet movie should be better. Julie was right. This one is dull beyond belief. The writing is good, but it seems false coming out of the actor's mouths--Sam Rockwell not withstanding. He is always good even with a silly mustache.

The Hills Have Eyes (2006) Tony Pisarenkov   DVD at home   29 September 2007 I haven't seen the original, but the remake definitely gets some points for sheer creepiness, and the fact that the cute girl isn't the first to die.

The Hunchback A Bennett   Taped off of TV: TNT Original movie   02 November 2002 Made back when Selma Hayeck was still "Salma Hayeck" (my goodness she is a beautiful woman), this adaptation gets points if only for getting the story right, with an evil Frollo and a Quasimodo so strange and hideous it's hard to watch. Unbearably bleak.

The Inspector Lynley Mysteries: A Great Deliverance A Bennett   Taped off of PBS' Mystery! with Diana Rigg   02 September 2002 The under-used Nathaniel Parker as Lynley, the 8th earl of Asherton and Detective Inspector at Scotland Yard--compelling though he is--cannot quite bring the spark needed to juice up this series and its predictable, shockingly unshocking plot. Disappointing, but could improve with other installments.

The International Steve Gadd   DVD   11 June 2009 The glossy international scenes and shootout at the Guggenheim fail to make up for the synthetic story and wooden performances.

The Legend of 1900 (1998) A Bennett   TiVo'd from BRAVO   01 November 2003 For piano lovers, chiefly. Magical realism has Tim Roth as a man orphaned as newborn on an oceanliner in the titular year, becoming a piano virtuoso that neither sets foot once on land--takes a single lesson, nor hears music before setting down at the keyboard as a child and creating on-the-spot genius. An unfortunate ending fails to gather the film's disparate, pretty pieces into a moving whole.

The Life of David Gale Steve Gadd   Herndon Worldgate Cinema   06 March 2003 Got home too late for 'The Pianist' and ended up with this poor substitute. In 'Dead Man Walking,' you feel pathos for a guilty man on death row, here you sit impassive at the fate of the innocent activist who wants to be a lethal-injection martyr. Contrived scenes and plot holes defuse any payoff from the requisite twist.

The Lord of the Rings - The Fellowship of the Ring Steven Krise   My living room   01 September 2002 I've never read the books, not being able to slog past the third chapter of The Hobbit (I know The Hobbit is the prelude to the LOTR trilogy). I found this movie equally slow-paced. If they'd have cut directly to the part after the meeting in the Elven forest (i.e., all the killing and stuff), it would have been a much better movie. So, I'm a troglodyte.

The Matrix Revolutions Mike Gadd   Martinsburg theater with nice seats   15 November 2003 Sigh... Where did the magic go? What a disappointment. It made me realize that I really did enjoy part 2. They tried so hard to answer all the questions from earlier that it took forever to go anywhere. Twice I checked my watch before the first hour. Never a good sign. I have a couple of serious questions about the movie that I can't pose here. I wish I had brought a sandwich.

The Neverending Story Julie Gephart   Basic cable   28 February 2004 Cute kid, bad special effects, and just a dash of Gerald McRaney.

The Pleasure of His Company (1961) A Bennett   TiVo'd from AMC a.m.   28 September 2003 Fred Astaire, as a globe-trotting ne'er do well, arrives to attend his daughter's wedding. In the past 15 years he's seen her (Debbie Reynolds) three times--the last time she was about 11--written a letter or two, and missed every birthday in between. But she's still crazy for him, as is her now-remarried-to-a-stable-boor mother. He nearly stops the wedding (as is his intent)--but the fact that this film can't decide between sincerity and heartbreak OR farcical comedy is probably a worse offense. Does anyone really want to watch Fred Astaire and Debbie Reynolds in societal critique? No one at my house does.

The Punisher Ray Hunley   Netflix DVD   12 May 2005 I should not have trusted this recommendation. Will Patton was pretty cool, though.

The Rainmaker Julie Gephart   Basic cable   30 July 2003 This isn’t your John Grisham Rainmaker. There were some good parts, and then there was… most of the movie. The good parts were pretty much encompassed, strangely enough for me, by the comic relief – the dumb younger brother who was “six feet tall and twice as handsome,” and I tell you I was nearly ready to marry him by the end. The moment where Katharine Hepburn had the gall to answer someone’s question about geography (OUT LOUD, even) and then the whole room fell silent as everyone concluded at once that she was clearly not marriage material was the moment I paused to give thanks that I was not born any earlier than I was.

The Third Man Ray Hunley   Netflix DVD   26 March 2005 Overrated; just a total mess. Joseph Cotten's Holly Martins is a complete schlub, and Welles' Harry Lime is a smirking, cardboard villain.

Trainspotting Tony Pisarenkov   DVD at home   29 October 2005 Has some visual and stylistic appeal, and I suppose the main character/narrator's non-chalance about dying babies and such is powerful in its own way, but cult following material? I think not.

Wait, It's the Soldiers, I'll Hang Up Now Jaqi Ross   National Gallery of Art   21 February 2004 Sitting at home in his study in Tel Aviv, filmmaker Avi Mograbi receives a phone call from a friend inside the occupied territories. Acting out the conversation from his end, Mograbi conveys not only the unease but also the informality of the moment when his caller is interrupted.

We're Not Married! (1952) A Bennett   TiVo'd from AMC a.m.   01 October 2003 Five couples, in pre-Altman vignettes, learn that due to a technicality years prior their marriages are not legally binding. Marilyn Monroe and Man #1 are thrilled to learn she can now compete and win *Miss* America (non-husband, baby and all), after which they remarry. Eddie Bracken and Woman #2 rush to find a way to remarry before he is shipped off to Korean combat and she gives birth to their first child. Man #3 burns the letter, seemingly intent on not telling Eve Arden of their situation (yet in the last moments they re-wed as well), so loathe he is to jump back into the expensive live of the dating game. Zsa Zsa Gabor's marriage (and subsequent divorce proceedings) are caught in the wacky misunderstanding when she learns she was never married to very very rich Man #4. His infidelity--a hoax she herself initiated--loses her Man #4, and as a result of the glitch he keeps all his assets, both wiser and richer. Ginger Rogers and Man #5 prove the oddest situation of the five--married only so that they can win the spot of a coveted radio gig as "Mr. & Mrs.", the intervening years find them hateful and unhappy--except on air. Why they married in the first place was enough of a mystery. Why they choose in the final seconds of the film to remarry is even more so. Misery, perhaps, loves matrimony.

What Happened Was... Steve Gadd   Video   03 August 2003 Jackie and Michael, two maladjusted New Yorkers, share an awful first date. Set entirely in her apartment, with almost no music, it's a struggle against boredom as they outdo each other revealing their insecurities and complexes. It is a very convincing portrayal that may have worked well on stage, but on screen it is too much like watching a car crash in very slow motion.

Xanadu (1980) A Bennett   TiVo'd off AMC a.m.   28 February 2004 I've consistently steered clear of this film my entire life, due to its reputation as one of the WORST films of all time, only to find that after watching it that that reputation REALLY, REALLY is not deserved. I mean, this is no cinematic giant, and the plot is really not at all cohesive (or logical, for that matter) but this fluffy star-vehicle for Olivia Newton-John hardly seems worthy of anything like ire. I will say that the direction/cinematography is something even I might have been better able to manage with just a hand-held video camera. And the special effects often seem to be something they bought at a discount from the people who made TRON (who did not have room to use them in their own film). ON-J plays one of the original Greek muses (Terpsichore, I believe), sent to earth by Zeus (still, post-Clash of the Titans miraculously around--though no one would think of him again until Hercules: The Legendary Journeys) to inspire a man who looks a lot like a cross between Heath Ledger and a lost Gibb brother to open a skating discotheque, bankrolled by a 68-year-old Gene Kelly. That's right. Gene Kelly, 68 years old, and the moment the camera pauses on him and he dances, his frame sloughs off some thirty years and he moves with the grace and athleticism of his ultra-talented youth. In other news, at the film's end, ON-J is called back 'home' by Zeus (and someone I assume is Hera, in some voice-over cameos), and though Heath Gibb claims to love only her and pine if she leaves, when she does, it only takes some other woman (also played by ON-J) to strut onto screen as a passing cocktail waitress to change his mind entirely. Oh, Heath Gibb! The callowness of youth! It's not a Barbie if it doesn't say 'Mattel' on the package. And it's never in your best interest to make promises to immortals that you don't intend to (or cannot) keep.

Y Tu Mama Tambien Tony Pisarenkov   DVD   13 December 2002 Julio and Tenoch, two annoying, irresponsible and immature high school boys meet Luisa, an older woman trying to leave her cheating husband, and take her on a road trip to the beach. The film says absolutely nothing new. We don't need a Mexican filmmaker to tell us that teenage boys are obsessed with sex but get it all wrong most of the time, and the attempts to show the socio-economic problems of Mexican society are way undercooked and fall flat. The film barely starts on a tentative road to redemption from mediocrity in the final sex threesome and a bizzarre and chilling twist of Luisa's fate but ends before the interesting bits have a chance to gather steam. If you do decide to see it, try to get the unrated, unedited version -- lots of explicit sex make it mildly titillating.

Young At Heart (1954) A Bennett   TiVo'd from AMC a.m.   11 November 2003 Everyone in this film tells Doris Day what to do, so, in turn she tells Frank Sinatra what to do. Inexplicably he likes this enough to conceive a child with her--though the duo never share a single kiss onscreen. Somewhat Douglas Sirk-ian in its conception and execution. Important, life altering drama takes place regularly, but for the most part no one in the cast breaks a sweat. Also stars the Skipper (aka Alan Hale). Question: is Frank Sinatra the original 98-lb. weakling? His physical size in this picture raises the question of whether he thought he had been cast in a Holucaust drama.

Young Black Stallion Mike Gadd   IMAX at new Air & Space Museum- Dulles   22 January 2004 The IMAX format certainly helped but so did the length of 45 minutes. Nothing original about the movie itself, but the entire class of 6th grade girls seemed to enjoy it. This was part of a field trip and I think most of the parents would have rather been out on the display floor.

Zoolander Steve Gadd   DVD   28 February 2005 I did it for science, after a conversation about what makes a good movie good, and whether taste is arbitrary or if there is some objective way to quantify quality. This kind of movie has the advantage that it's not likely to disappoint, as it delivers just the kind of insipid humor you are expecting.