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Bela Lugosi Meets a Brooklyn Gorilla Tony Pisarenkov   DVD at home   13 October 2005 As if one guy in a gorilla suit wasn't enough

Edge of Madness Kristin Schrock   DVD   10 February 2003 Once upon a time Canadian Alice Munro wrote an unremarkable short story, "Wilderness Station." Someone decided to make a movie out of this story, and I was pleased because I like to support Canadian culture. Little did I know that they would make this story into one of the WORST MOVIES EVER (The Scarlet Letter still holds the position as THE worst movie ever. Despite this movie's attempt to dethrone the Scarlet Letter, it retains its title.) And, if you're like me, you might be thinking, "How bad could it be?" and think about seeing it (like watching the Island of Dr. Moroux). But its not even bad in a good way. It's just bad.

Frankenstein Meets the Space Monster Tony Pisarenkov   D.C. Visions, Washington, DC   24 August 2003 I should have had a lot more to drink beforehand.

Future War (MST3K version) Tony Pisarenkov   DVD chez C.&S.   03 January 2009 Rating of movie: 1 Rating of MST3K commentary: 8 I forgot how funny those guys could be

Love Leaves by the Foot Tony Pisarenkov   DVD chez G&N   19 August 2007 Every day, in remote corners all over America, people are making movies. At least the soundtrack was killer.

Motel Hell Tony Pisarenkov   DVD at Chad & Suzanne's   28 June 2003 One star for Nina Axelrod in a wet t-shirt

Santo vs. the Martian Invasion Tony Pisarenkov   The Hirshhorn Museum, Washington, DC   08 July 2004 A strong contender for the worst film I have ever seen.

Scooby Doo Julie Gephart   DVD I was forced to watch   08 July 2003 I’m pretty sure this movie lasted for at least seven hours. Any movie that contains a scene consisting entirely of people farting is right off my list.

Spy Kids 3D Mike Gadd   Regular old theater with no legroom   26 July 2003 What a relief it is to get the worst movie I'll see this year out of the way. It just can't get any worse. I actually fell asleep at one point. I remember in the late 70's when they showed The Black Lagoon on tv in 3d. We all ran to 7-11 to get our glasses and watched a total of 20 minutes of the movie because it was so lame. It was better than Spy Kids because at least it had a story. I could NOT wait to get out of there. If Stallone ever gets work again it won't be because he did this one. And Frodo! What are you doing here!? This isn't Mordor! Ugh.

That Touch of Mink Julie Gephart   Basic cable   16 January 2004 I’ve tended to enjoy the old time romantic comedies much more than the modern ones, but this one was stupid and offensive from start to finish. It was so bad that it might as well have starred Jennifer Aniston. For those keeping track, I still can't stand Cary Grant.

The Affair of the Necklace A Bennett   Hollywood Video VHS   05 April 2003 This movie tastes like foot. Kudos to cast and script--director as well--for garnering my utter A*M*A*Z*E*M*E*N*T that THREE Oscar-winners (Hilary Swank, Christopher Walken, Adrian Brody) could appear in such an OUTRAGEOUSLY ill-made film. And, a curse upon all their houses for dragging Simon Baker (TV's The Guardian)--possibly the best actor on ALL television--down with them. UNFORGIVEABLE. I think, quite frankly, that they all should have to pay me some sort of reparations or wer-geld for sitting through this abysmal feature film that proves one thing only: bad movies are better when Kristin is at home to sit and make fun of them with me.

The House on Haunted Hill Tony Pisarenkov   DVD at home   21 June 2003 Things we do for love...

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen A Bennett   Viewed at Boston Radisson, in-room   16 September 2004 That smell? That smell is as fine an idea as I can imagine for a sci-fi/fantasy film being left for dead, and being, though not unwatchable, unintelligible, and needlessly crapping on—of all things—the fine work of Edgar Allan Poe’s genre-creating ‘Murders in the Rue Morgue’. An unintentioned laugh-riot to rival the likes of ‘Reign of Fire’, though perhaps somewhat less homo-erotic (though Peta Wilson’s—I hate to say it!--performance and attitude do leave one thinking she just might be a ‘gentleman’ in drag).

Wuthering Heights (MTV) Julie Gephart   Basic cable   22 September 2003 Phheeeeeeeeeeeewwwwww, what's that smell?

XXX: The State of the Union Mike Gadd   Family Drive-In   30 July 2005 The 2nd feature in the Drive-in two-fer. I wasn't expecting to enjoy it and it held up. I tried to find something in it to hold on to but it wasn't possible. Why do people watch this stuff? And there might be a sequel? Ugh.

Zardoz Tony Pisarenkov   Dr. Dremo's, Arlington, VA   29 March 2005 Merrie Olde England. With pods.

Zombie Honeymoon Tony Pisarenkov   The Nevermore Film Festival, Durham, NC   19 February 2006 There is a very good reason why so many films never get any distribution. One star for the brunette.