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James Bond 20: Die Another Day A Bennett   Milford Gigantiplex Overlord Cinemas   22 November 2002 I think I am unable to be objective about James Bond films. They are what they are. Some are better at it than others. This one falls in the middle, and I don't mean that as a slam. I may be the only human on earth not slavishly obsessed with Halle Berry. I don't mean that as a slam, either.

James Clavell's Shogun (1980) A Bennett   TiVo'd from Hallmark Channel   05 August 2003 Twelve hours long (nine without commercials). A surprising, early entry into the world of miniseries television--and very suited to the genre. May be the best miniseries I've ever watched, and I say that even knowing that 90% of the cast never utter a single word of English. Did little to stamp out my enjoyment of Richard Chamberlain. Unexpectedly found myself quite fond of the female lead, a woman who wants nothing of the world but to be allowed to commit seppuku (ritual suicide) from the first moment we meet her in hour three. My viewing would have been more enjoyable if Hallmark Channel had not continually over-ran each ep by, I'm guessing, two or three minutes. Not so entirely unforgiveable, until the end of the final chapter cut out early. Someone should write a paper about the similarities of the text with that of A Man Called Horse. I don't know what it means, I only know that echoes of inhumanity, torture, stranger-in-new-culture incidences abound.

Jane Austen's Emma A Bennett   owned VHS - 2003 Jeremy Northam Film Festival   16 February 2003 Charming all around, this is Northam at his, perhaps, finest. Emma, our heroine, learns lessons about the ills of matchmaking, the perils of flirting, and the aftertaste that can be found in a sassy mouth. Oh, yes, and she finds love with the Northam, unmustachioed and wearing a waistcoat as so few can.

Jane Austen's Emma (1997) Julie Gephart   Basic cable   25 July 2003 If you had told me halfway through that I would actually like Emma by the end, I would not have believed it possible. Therefore, I can only conclude that some sort of hypnosis was at work during the second half of the movie. Thankfully, this was not the version with Gwyneth Paltrow, or I'm sure no amount of hypnosis could have saved her.

Japon Tony Pisarenkov   AFI Silver Theatre, Silver Spring, MD   28 September 2003 Beautifully filmed meditation on alienation, rediscovering spirituality and hope, and going to stomach-churning extremes to connect with it only to fail, combined with a hefty dose of lament on how the sad state of social relations in Mexico undermines its natural beauty. A few gratuitous scenes whose purpose, if there was one beyond shock value, is lost on me, but on balance, worth seeing. The unusual soundtrack (Bach, Arvo Part, and Schostakovich) works surprisingly well.

Jarhead Casey     27 March 2006 This wasn't one of my favorite movies, it had it times but all over not a great movie.

Jarhead Steve Gadd   DVD   15 April 2006 You might be under the impression that this is a war movie. No, it's a movie about marines stuck in the desert fighting boredom, and the viewer is drawn right into the struggle. It didn't help that there were frequent reminders of movies like "Full Metal Jacket" and "Apocalypse Now" and "Baraka."

Jaws Julie Gephart   Basic cable   20 March 2004 I thought I'd be laughing at this movie after 20 years, but I was wrong. It was still a really good and genuinely scary movie.

Jeder für sich und Gott gegen alle Ray Hunley   Netflix DVD   10 April 2005 English title: The Enigma of Kaspar Hauser. Why they changed it from the far cooler Every Man for Himself and God against All, I'll never know. Based on the true story of Kaspar Hauser, a man who one day appeared in the middle of a German village, apparently having been kept locked in a cellar his entire life up to that point.

Jeepers Creepers Jeff Gadd   Video   07 March 2003 Not to Scary but gross what the creature does to people in the movie. I still trying to decide what it is, as a woman says it's a devil or a beast. Or both put together. Starts out as two kids trying to get home driving and allmost get run off the road with a truck.

Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter Steven Krise   Brian's Crib   26 April 2008 Jesus Christ battles the vampiric horde that is eating up all of Ottawa's lesbians by the power of his kung fu. I give it a 10 out of 10 for campy irreverence, but the production did suck exceeding hard...verily.

Joan of Arc (1948) Julie Gephart   Basic cable   10 June 2003 Choose the best answer: This movie taught us that... a) the only sure way to win a war is to stop your soldiers from playing with dice, or b) men will follow Ingrid Bergman anywhere.

John Carpenter's Ghosts of Mars Julie Gephart   Mysteriously Free HBO   08 April 2003 If you want to see thumbs sliced off, fingers sliced off, arms sliced off, legs sliced off, and Pam Grier's head on a stake, then this is the movie for you! It was a typical dumb action/horror movie, but I thought it was pretty fun. Had I known that it contained a bona fide Female Action Hero, I certainly would have watched it long ago, no matter how bad it was.

Journey to the Sun Steve Gadd   DVD   06 August 2005 The last half-hour of this film was the only watchable part. It shows the journey in the title; a man driving his friend's coffin to the friend's hometown in eastern Turkey. Starting on the Bosphorus Bridge, there are some dramatic views through the countryside. The rest had nothing to recommend it. On top of everything, the transfer (from Facets Video) was the worst I've ever seen, hardly better than VCD quality.

Joy Ride Julie Gephart   DVD Rental   16 November 2002 This film was fine and average for what it aimed to be, which was a brainless scary movie. It certainly wasn't the most scary movie ever, and I did have to put up with looking at the loathsome Leelee Sobieski, but there were some witty lines and a scary trucker, and that's good enough.

Jumanji Julie Gephart   Basic cable   13 August 2003 TiVo thought it was recording another movie, and by the time I realized what this was, it was too late - I had already been sucked in by precious little Kirsten Dunst in her little braids and overalls. And speaking of sucking, the movie... well, I'll try to be charitable and just say it was made for kids.

Junk Kristin Schrock   DVD   08 November 2003 A japanese zombie movie wherein the American military is evil (natch) and everyone just stands there and waits to be eaten by the zombies that slowly, ever so slowly (there are the undead, after all) creep towards them. Fun because it's so very bad. Also, even though you've been terrorized by the living dead, seen your friends get eaten, you can still laugh at the end and drive away in a brand new Corvette.

Jurassic Park Julie Gephart   Basic cable   22 May 2004 Out of the whole cast, couldn’t they give me even ONE attractive person to look at? When they couldn’t even swing cute kids, I knew this was not the movie for me. Hilarious geek moment: When the little “I prefer the term ‘hacker’” girl runs up to a computer displaying a 3D map of the park and declares, “This is a UNIX system! I know this!” Yes, she executes that classic UNIX maneuver of pointing to the right building on the map and clicking on it. Good thing she was along, because you never know how long it could have taken those other bone heads to figure it out. “Well, this… looks… like the park… but everything is so… small… Do we have to… shrink?... to get in there?”

Just Desserts A Bennett   TiVo'd off Hallmark Channel   08 February 2004 Unable to cull nary a single clever, new pun on the art of either cooking or love, this film still proves that Costas Mandylor has *something*, even if no one else on screen shares it with him. Small consolation, though, for such a dim, dull, hollow exercise that proved neither romantic nor comedic.