Stars & Stuff:
Professor Arnold: Oh, Poncho! What do you put in this
infernal chile??
Poncho: Oh, leetle tiny cheeli peppers!
Professor Arnold: Oh yeah? Well your “leetle tiny cheeli peppers” just
singed the skin off my teeth!!
Little Frieda (on phone):
Huh? You want Rocket Pierre to capture a
Plutonian what?
Rocket Pierre: Rocket Pierre, ‘ee never heard of a Plutonian “What!”
“Rocket
Pierre, he theenk it wise we breeng flashlight, non?” –Rocket, before
setting foot on Pluto (submitted by Faldage of Fong)
Prof. Debro: Don’t blast it! Do you Tegorrians blast everything
you don’t trust?
Jalalu: No, sometimes we let it eat us!
“The
planet of Jazuli III is well known for its variety of stinks…but this is
an unknown expception.” --Jalalu
“Don’t
pull my leg when I’m trying to run, I get confused!” –Prof. Debro
“Go easy
on the salt, Duke!” –Guy from Duke of Earl, during the popcorn “incident”
(submitted by Faldage of Fong)
“I don’t
want the world to start referring to me as ‘Dad Time.’ The next thing I know,
it’ll be Pops Time, and then just ‘Hey, Time, what’s new?’” –Father Time, to
Capsula
Capsula: All right, all right! I’ll go get Homer Duckencover…
Father Time: Good, because if you don’t, I’ll ground you in 5000 B. C.
for an entire month!
Father Time: You are so wild, Capsula! There are times that I
have a hard time believing that you’re really my daughter.
Capsula: Ah, you say that every time.
“Well,
just remember, mysterious fruit of my loins, time flies.” –Father
Time
“I am going to kick you
back to the Spanish Inquisition if you don’t do your job, Capsula!” –Father
Time
Rasinette: “Buried Treasure?” Who called me that?
Homer: You know, the guys! They thought it was ‘cause you had,
like, a sunken chest!
Homer: The guys used to really let me have it for sticking up for
you, though. They called me a Zipper-Lover!
Rasinette: “Zipper-Lover?” What’s that mean?
Homer: You know, the guys said that if you stood sideways and
stuck out your tongue, you looked like a zipper! And since I, like, liked you
so much, I was a Zipper-Lover!
“Soooo…Swivel,
you wild thing you…I’ve always had a thing for armless men…” –Capsula
Swivel: I’m challenging you to a fistfight!
Homer: But…you don’t have any fists!
“My dog
was a pointer, and I named him Time/‘Cause he could hold a point for a
year./Once, crossing the road, Time stood so still/He got creamed by a Porsche
in high gear.” –Mundungus, reciting “The End of Time”
“That old hound is so old
he couldn’t smell Father Time himself if he was kickin’ him in the nostrils!” –Rasinette
“Capsula,
I told you, if you don’t follow through with your assignment, I’ll quarantine
you in the Middle Ages! Remember how much you hated the Middle Ages? The
Plague? The Unix? The gruel?” –Father Time
“I’ll send you to the
Puritans at Plymoth Rock! How would you like to be stoned as a witch?” –Father
Time
Capsula: Dad, have a heart!
Father
Time: What’s that?
“I almost got in touch with
my dad because I felt sorry for you!” –Capsula
“Uh-huh, I guess you’ve
been snorting the old carpet again, right, Homer? No wonder you act so weird
all the time!” –Linda’s friend
Mundungus: And of course, all our musical selections were produced by
the elusive Roma Barring, with the tender-hearted Gary…uh…Gary…
Rasinette
(in background): GARY POSNER!
Mundungus: All these folks are modified regulars at the Insiders’
Lounge, even though some ‘em do like to get drunk and raise hell…
Rasinette
(in background): LOOK OUT,
MUNDUNGUS!!! (loud crash)
The Mist:
“Well,
what can I do, sue him? He’s a lawyer!” –Dave
“I bet
they’re the ones who developed the idea of tomato, you know, the ones we eat?
Looks good, great for shipping, firm, bounces like a tennis ball, tastes like
toilet paper?” –Norton
“Oh G*D,
my G*D, I’m glad I didn’t eat! I’d never hold it down!” –Tom
Smalley
“We’re
doing this thing, you know, ‘The Making of The Mist,’ you know? I told you
about it a couple months ago?” –Tom Lopez, The Making of The Mist
“The
Siamese cat, yeah, that’s my favorite…you can make spiders out of them.” –Tom
Lopez
Tom Lopez: Listen Harry, can we borrow Heba again?
Harry: You want to borrow Heba…again?
Saratoga Springs:
Newscaster: The mayor, Sam “The Spa” Goodwater had this to say:
The Mayor: I need an aspirin.
The Author: I have to leave now.
Donna: But why?
The Author: Because Saratoga Springs is a real place, and when the
townspeople hear about this when it hits the air, I think it’s best that I’m
not around.
Lo Fat: Who write the story?
Willy: Saratoga Springs was written by Meatball Fulton…
Lo Fat: Meat…noo…
Willy: Really!
Lolita: He’s brilliant.
Willy: Oh yes he is…
Lo Fat: Who do music?
Willy: Music was composed and performed by Tim Clark…
Lo Fat: Tim? Nooo….
Willy: Yes it was.
Lolita: He’s brilliant too.
Willy: Yes he is, but not as brilliant was the writer.
Loloita: Why do you say that?
Willy: Because the writer wrote these lines.
Land of Enchantment:
“Why is
it that whenever my back is turned, that girl makes like a buffalo chip and
hits the trail!” –Sam