The 4th Tower of Inverness:
Dr. Mazoolah: You know what you can do with a glue like that?
Jack: Make rubber boogers?
“So all I
need to do is keep one eye open at night…otherwise I’m assured of a vacation in
the loony bin.” –Jack
“Possibly
he stepped into something…stumbled upon something, sat in something, who knows?
Gone he is.” –Lady Jowles
Jack: Hey! I ain’t no Vincent van
Gogh, and I don’t care to look like one either!
Meanie
Eenie: Would
you prefer, say, John the Baptist?
Jack:
Well, I see
little future in that…
Meanie Eenie: Aye, perhaps little future for you, Master Jack, but
for me it means getting ahead, so to speak!
Jack: Ha ha, I see the humor, but somehow…
Meanie
Eenie: You
missed the point, is that it?
Jack: Hey! You’re pretty
sharp…
“Now don’t
tell me I thought up these singed eyebrows of mine.” –Jack
See, out
there somewhere is, like…you know, Jack Armstrong…Superman…it’s all just as
real as you are and I am…and the Lord and the angels in heaven, what about them?
Think they’re a figment of somebody’s imagination? Nobody makes up anything!”
–The Wurlitzer of Wisdoms
“It’s amazing you tough the skin of a dewdrop is…For just being a little ball of water, it does pretty well.” –Jack
Jack: Hmm…Amazing! What would happen if I thought of a pickle?
Little
Frieda: Funny
you should think of that. That was last week’s combination.
Jack: What do dragons eat, anyway?
Dr.
Mazoolah: Uh…tourists!
Dr. Mazoolah: Well, the Chief claims to be teaching Wham-Bam how
to fly.
Jack: Through the air?
Dr. Mazoolah: That seems to be the preferred substance to fly in…
“Listen, you scrawny little punk,
the last time I heard that song, some drooling idiot was trying to slice
me up with a meat -cleaver!” –Jack
Jack: Tell me something, Old Art…
Art: Yep?
Jack: Is everyone here…in Inverness…
Art: Yep?
Jack: In their right mind?
“Oh
boy…this place is a bit much…” –Jack, inside the maze
The Madonna Vampyra: Dying is such a natural thing. It’s as natural as being
born. As natural as…going to the toilet.
Jack: Well, you can’t get more natural than that…
The Madonna Vampyra: Naturally.
“Also, while you’re writing, let us know if you like this Fourth Tower Serial thing.” –Narrator
“And
also, we should be nicer to our parents, shouldn’t we? Because it is we
who have chosen them!” –Lady Jowles
“All
right, all right! Dragons lay eggs like lizards, but not like turtles!”
–Dr. Mazoolah
“I used
to get people uptight telling these jokes, but then I’d tell them I was Polish
and they’d relax and think it was fine and they could laugh. That’s really dumb…”
–Little Frieda
Dr. Mazoolah: Go in there after her.
Jack: Well, we’re standing right here on the spot where
she disappeared and nothing’s happening to us, so…so how??
Dr. Mazoolah (brightly):
I’ll invent something!!
“Oh shoot! Why is it
that every time I get what I want, it’s not what I expected? That’s the story
of my life.” –Jack, entering the 4th tower for the first time
Lady Jowles: Do you mind being born again?
Jack: Not that much. But I could do without going through high
school again.
“It’s
expressions of enthusiasm like that one that will earn you at least
another fifteen lifetimes.” –Lady Jowles
Chief Wampum: I feel a presence in the room, you see! (laughing)
Jack: What do you mean, a presence?
Chief Wampum: The listener! (laughing)
The Madonna Vampyra: I hope the demons pluck your eyes out and use them for
marbles! (flings several large pieces of furniture at Jack) And may they
use your ribcage for a trampoline! (throws another object) And your
pelvic bone to scrape the slime from off their PORES!!! (deafening
crash. She suddenly changes her tune and starts crying) Oh…oh, Jaaack!
Jack (in the distance,
irritated): What?
The Madonna Vampyra (still
crying): Good luck…
“Torches
are burning…lighting the way…I wonder if they’re real…OW! Ow…Yeah, they’re real,
all right.” –Jack
“Boy, if
the author has some points to make…it’s like crawling through barbed wire.” –Jack
“Well, I
happen to be fond of those toes and they’re staying right where they are.” –Jack
“Oh wow.
Another weirdo.” –Jack
“How
about some peas? They’re lovely! Look at the way zey roll about on zee
plate like hundreds of leetle green eyeballs! Hee hee hee! So much fun
to stab! (starts jabbing at the peas with a fork)” –The Wicked
Kublah Kublah
“Wait
a minute. Did I see that crust bulge? As if something bumped its
head against the top?” –Jack
Jack:
YIKES!!! Here they come and I’m trapped at the bottom of this well! Oh,
come on, door, pleeease, please open! (tries the door again)…Oh
no, it won’t budge! In a moment they’ll be on me, tickling me
until I fall to the floor…I gotta get out somehow…
Narrator (whispering):
Psst! Jack! Use your staff. Strike the lock with your staff.
Jack:
Good idea…(hits lock with staff) It opened! I’m free!
Narrator:
And just in the nick of time…
“Time
slips past, and it slips fast!” –Jives
Jack:
Finding Lord Jowles is going to be like searching for a porcupine in a pin
factory.
Lady Jowles (entering):
I heard that remark and I don’t see the point of it all.
“Little
Frieda, please puff your Havana taper in some other direction. My
nostrils are beginning to feel like Venus flytraps, snapping for air!” –Lady
Jowles
“Every
time you say ‘I’m hungry’…that is a demon! Because who’s hungry?
That’s just an illusion, and you’ve just identified with hunger…again.
For the ten-billionth time. (laughter in background)” –The Wurlitzer
of Wisdoms
“You
think the knee is not gonna say ‘I’m here’… (laughter in background)
‘And I’m your knee and you know it and I hurt,’ you see…(loud laughter)”–The
Wurlitzer of Wisdoms
Little Frieda:
The maze…if he tried for the maze…
Lady Jowles:
Oh! (gasps) I can’t bear to watch!
Jack:
The maze, Dr. Mazoolah! Try for the maze!
Little Frieda:
He’s headed for the maze!
Jack:
Well, I think he can do it…
Little Frieda:
It’ll be close…
Jack:
He did it, he into the maze!
Lady Jowles:
Oh, in that case I will look!
“Oh
your people were as pure as little fairies…but filled with mischief. I couldn’t
turn my back on your father without his slipping a poo-poo cushion beneath my
seat…a most tattling experience…” –Lady Jowles, to Little Frieda
Dr. Mazoolah:
When he saw me, he gave a sudden lunge forward and it so startled me I
fired…and I missed.
Jack:
You missed a whole dragon?
“What
do you have inside that chest? Crumpled newspaper instead of a heart?” –Oolupi
“I
just wanna know whose head this is!” –Jack
Narrator (trying
not to laugh): Should we, uh…continue on with
this?
Backstage man (angrily):
You’re all fired!
“I’ll
chop it into little pieces! There won’t be a tube left standing!” –Jack, in
pursuit of the Lotus Jukebox
Chief Wampum:
Well, I mean, that, well, you are afraid of nothing!
Meanie Eenie (laughing):
Actually, I’m not even afraid of that!
“Now,
after bathing and resting, he [Jack] sits in his room, thinking…out loud.” –Narrator
“I
can never be certain whether someone is actually trying to kill me…or
just pretending that they’re trying to kill me…” –Jack
“As
we look in, we find Jack Flanders standing alone, in his normal pose of
absolute bewilderment.” –Narrator
“Little
Frieda, you never cease to amaze me.” –Jack
“But
what would be the motivation? I’m no threat…am I?” –Jack
“I’ve
got him this time! Ha ha! Barbecued dragon burger tonight!” –Dr. Mazoolah
Moon Over Morocco:
“I call
myself…the Yoodoo Man. Mojo Sam the Yoodoo Man…and my friends come up to me and
say… ‘Hey Yoodoo Man. Your parrot, he leave a little Yoodoo on your shoulder
there.’” –Mojo
“I was sitting alone, having a glass of sweet mint tea, and
who should come along, just out for an afternoon stroll, talking to himself,
solving the mysteries of the universe?” –Kelly
“Their minds don’t work at all the same as ours. That’s what
makes it so much fun.” –Kelly
“She feels I should’ve and could’ve chosen a different time
to incarnate – A time different than she chose.” –Kelly
“I think she feels that Fate has strung invisible threads between us and it’s not long before circumstances gives it a yank and we’re suddenly drawn together into some kind of an embarrassing intrigue.” –Kelly
Kelly: You…uh…look a little white, Mojo.
Mojo: Really? I gotta get up and find me a mirror and see that!
Sonny Skies: Couldn’t you have rented a larger car? (pause)
Can’t you go any faster? (pause) How much farther is it?
Kelly: First: No, I couldn’t. Second: No, this road is
really steep, and third, we’re almost there, so shut up.
“It’s late at night…warm out…pretty
quiet…’cept for me. I’m talking.” –Kelly
“It is questionable the degree of satisfaction I will
have by saying ‘I told you so’ to a head spiked upon the palace walls!” –Queen
Azora
“One day…I’ll have her tied to the bedpost…and I’ll pluck
her toes off one by one!” –King Hassan Bezel
“The
Queen Azora has found Little Flossic and her band of men and rained down great
sizzling bolts of lightning. Next she found El Kabaah and sizzled his seat.”–The
Narrator
Little
Flossic: I am Little Flossic! Child
of Magic! And this is my band of fierce warriors!
The
Warriors (in unison): FIERCE
WARRIORS! Grrrrrrr…..
Queen
Azora: They will be a band of fierce
toadstools in a minute.
The
Warriors: FIERCE…toadstools??
Little
Flossic: Aw, c’mon men! Don’t worry
about Queenie!
The
Warriors: QUEENIE!
Queen
Azora: Don’t call me Queenie!
The Ah-Ha Phenomena:
“Oh,
Prometheus, that was years ago!” –Seymore Jowles
Jack:
Uh, what’s the language of the Mexican Jumping Bean?
Chief Wampum:
Hoppi.
Jack:
You mean Hopi?
Chief Wampum:
No, Hoppi. (pause) Such a pun…is Hopi-less! Hee hee hee…
Chief Wampum:
It is said journey of one thousand mile end with very last step.
Jack:
Yeah. Straight down.
Chief Wampum: The times rush very
near. You must prepare yourself for the grand eagle’s vision.
Jack: Fine. How?
Chief Wampum: How.
Jack: Yeah, how?
Chief Wampum: How.
Jack: Oh come on, quit fooling, Chief! Now, this rock is as
shaky as h**l…
“Why
don’t you wear robe of dervish you carry under armpit-um?” –Chief Wampum
“Look,
I am not a troll!” –Jack
“And
there’s Snow Trolls. You say: ‘You a troll?’ and they say ‘S’no.’” –The
Wizard
“I
suppose just scratching your head you have to be careful!” –Jack
“Why
don’t you sit for a spell?” –The Wizard
“I
don’t know if there’s such a thing as a friend around here.” –Jack
Narrator:
Followers of the adventures of Jack Flanders may well be shocked – for never
before has Jack been the first to strike a blow or give a swift kick – sending
the man up in the air – (scream from the dervish) – and off the road,
rolling and tumbling into the underbrush. Can it be our hero is fed up with all
this spiritual stuff?
Jack:
Well, it was good for him.
Narrator:
If you say so…
“One
of us it melting – me or the road!” –Jack
“We
have an open-door policy to dervishes, whirling and otherwise.” –The Keeper
of the Archives
“Lotus
Jukebox, here I come!” –Jack
“What
do you mean, a mess? Well, I did drop the box once …or twice…” –Jack
The Incredible Adventures of Jack Flanders:
Captain: You see that?? He’s taking me Frombork!!
Owl-Eyes: I think the Frombork be takin’ him, Captain.
Captain Swallow (bellowing
at the enemy ship): You hear that, you
Pirate Poopies!?! You lost me my valuable Frombork!!
Pirate on enemy ship: Yah, so what??
Captain Swallow: So you’re gonna pay for me Frombork!!
Pirate on enemy ship: Says you (blows raspberry at the Captain)!
Captain Swallow: You blow me a scurvy raspberry, eh??
FIIIIRE!!!
“He [Jack]
pounds his mighty chest and lets out a triumphant cry…and knocks himself right
off the Frombork’s back.” –the Narrator
“Aye aye
– (sound of a sharp kick from the Captain) – Yiiii!” –Jack
Sharky Snark: Hey! He’s disappeared!! Well, what do you have to say to that??
Captain Swallow: What do I have to say? FIIIIIIRE!!!
Captain Swallow: What’s that??
Sailor: The bugler be practicing his
funeral taps, Captain.
Captain Swallow: NOT YET!!!
Sailor: Not yet!
Second Sailor: Not yet!
Third Sailor: Not yet!
Captain Swallow: Idiot!
Sailor: Idiot!
Second Sailor: Idiot!
Third Sailor: Idiot!
“You want me to bargain with the Lords of Death? You’re
kidding.” –Jack
“Hmm…Captain Swallow’s cabin…I’ll just try to tiptoe pa – (loud
crash) – Oops.” –Jack
Captain Swallow: D**n them sniggering Snarks! FIRE AT WILL!!!!
Sailor: Fire at will!
2nd Sailor: Which one is Will?
3rd Sailor: Which one is Will?
Captain Swallow!: OH, SHUT UP, AND FIIIIRE!
“I’ve got a cloak…a velvet chair...a top hat…and a heavy
sword. I’ll have a whole collection by the time I finish this series!” –Jack
“Listen
to me, Flanders: DON”T COME BACK! D’ya hear me, Flanders?? Dooon’t – cooome
– baaaaaack!!!! You bonehead!” –Captain Swallow, as Jack starts
fading away
Sailor: All right – Where’s the captain?
Another Sailor: He’s putting on his pants!
“See if you can drop a cannonball right on that sassy BUTT OF HERS!!!” –Captain Swallow
“BY G*D! (lowering
voice) Don’t mention any of this to that twit Flanders! It’s a sure way a’
gettin’ rid a’ him once and for all…” –Captain
Swallow
“Call Physician – HEADS UP – FLOYD!!” –Sailor
Alfredo: You know the art of far-seein’?
Well, then, who needs this book (tears it
in half)?
Chief Wampum’s voice: Ouch.
Alfredo: The ones that she don’t skin’ll
have to walk the plank.
Jack: From a skyship??
Alfredo: Aye. Sometimes even the ones
she skins has ta walk the plank!
The Narrator (with sounds of pirates attacking in the background): The pirates swarm onto the
ship, daggers between their yellow teeth, cutlasses gripped in their scarred
fists, mischief in their squinty eyes! But Captain Swallow’s crew fights galla
–
Alfredo: Err…
The Narrator (sound effects suddenly stop): I beg your pardon?
Alfredo: Captain Jack’s.
The Narrator: (after a brief pause, the sound
effects suddenly restart with his voice) But Captain Jack’s crew fights gallantly…
Jack: A cutlass? Well, uh, how do you
use – (swings his weapon and accidentally catches Alfredo)
Alfredo: Uuuugh!
Jack: Oh – sorry.
Alfredo: At’s all right Captain, at’s all
right. I have another arm.
Narrator: We’re kidding, of course. (Jack swings the sword again)
Alfredo: Oww!
Jack: Gosh, this thing’s sharp, isn’t
it?
“Oh my goodness. They both disappear.” –Chief Wampum, when Jack and the Black Mona Lisa vanish at the same
time
Narrator: Okay kids! Here’s an exciting
scene from next week’s thrilling adventure, The Dream Quest –
Backstage man: Uhhhh…no…
Narrator: Wha?
Backstage man: No…no, no Dream Quest, uh…next
week’s adventure is Captain Jack and the Pirate Queen…
Narrator: Well…play it anyway, we gotta
fill in some time…
Backstage
Man: Uh…Dave?
Narrator: What? Do you want me to put in the island thing?
Backstage
Man: Well, it
sounds like you’re making it up as you go along…
Narrator: Huh?
Backstage
Man: I said it
sounds like you’re making it up as you go along.
Narrator: Well, that’s kinda how I do
this.
“I’m certain
we’ve got something done here.” –Backstage man, after the credits
Dreams of Rio:
“Why they call it ‘fanny?’ Because it’s like a fan?” –
Gregorio
Frieda: I’m fine…I won’t turn
into a vampire, I promise you.
Jack: Good. Now don’t forget…
Frieda: And if I do…
Jack: Yes?
Frieda: You have such a nice
neck, Jack…
“Oh, what a nice forked tongue you have…” –Jack,
to the Snake-Woman
“Oh, why can’t I wake up…why does this seem so real?
(groan from the snake-woman) Because it is real, you dummy!”
–Jack
Klaus: Jack, something passed over my head.
Jack
(nervously): Yeah, something trailing…tentacles…
Zecca: Frieda…she’s so beautiful…but
her face…is not Freida. Why is that?
Klaus: Because she’s dead! Now
get this boat moving!
Zecca: What is this, on her neck?
Jack: A bat bite.
Jack
(worried): Oh Mojo…
Mojo: What’s up?
Jack
(looking at Frieda): Funny you should ask…
Carmen: Jack, tell me one thing…
Jack: Shoot.
Carmen: Why are you such an idiot?!?
Jack: I don’t know. I get bored
easily.
Dreams of the Amazon:
“Do you
realize I’m going to need a machete to get to my own bathroom?” –Jack
“Nice
eyes…you’re going to take them out again?” –Jack
Jack: Uh…Tien Substitutu?
Man on Phone: Que?
Jack: Tien substitutu?
Man on Phone: Em...would you prefer peaking English?
“Great.
They have the skull, they have the guns, and you’re going to save us by
walking around in the sky. Great, great, great! Just great!!” –Professor
Neuman
Tereza: Please return the skull. It will eat your soul…
Jack: I hate things that eat your soul.
“Okay…beam
us up, skull.” –Jack
“Uh…anyone
home? (loud, unearthly screeching) Sorry I asked.” –Jack
“Boy,
Blackie, you are one mean looking skull…(pause)…Here…here’s a
finger in your eye –Oop! Just kidding, just kidding…” –Jack, to the dark
skull
Dreams of India:
Jack: You know, I had the impression that Indian women to be
sort of weak, you know, followed behind their husbands…
Kamala: That’s a great misconception, Mr. Flanders. Indian men are
weak, so we women must be strong, and we are. Hurry up.
“Uh-ohhhhh….problem….It
looks like – I don’t have a body. Did that djinn trick me again?” –Jack
“I could
be down there, celebrating…but nooooo. I’d rather explore a
haunted palace at night. Well, self, I hope you know what you’re doing…’cause I
sure don’t.” –Jack
“I don’t
have a hand…or even an arm…so how do I pick up the lantern? With my teeth? What
teeth? I think my head is gone…” –Jack
Dreams of Bali:
Dreams of Sumatra:
Jack: Wait! I’ve been down this street before!
Jesse (screaming): So have I! It’s a col-de-sac!!!
The Mystery of Jaguar Reef:
Midnight at the Casa Luna:
Jack: As I said, I was sitting there, drinking coffee…and as I
talked, everything shifted!
Nina: Well, shift happens.
Jack: Hmmm…Bamboo chairs…bamboo tables…bamboo bed…walls, floors,
ceiling…bamboo flowers…the whole house…
Nina: I love bamboo.
“Hey –
the road turned and I didn’t!” –Jack
“In the
old days, I’d be on a flying horse. Now it’s an enchanted motorcycle.” –Jack
“Well, I
guess I’ll just walk around in circles…as usual.” –Jack
Return to Inverness:
“Is that
rhino cross-eyed? Well, I guess if I had a big horn on the end of
my nose, I’d be cross-eyed too.” –Jack
Jack (with a metallic clunk): Ow! Hey! What the heck is down there…
Madame Trunknose: Hey! You step in my bucket!
Jack: I didn’t see…hey, what are you doing down there?
Madame Trunknose: I’m tying my shoe!
Jack: Look, Dr. Mazoolah was as sane as everyone else around
here!
Lady Pompon: My point exactly!
Jack (with a metallic clunk):
Oh great, not again…
Madame Trunknose: You step in my bucket again?
Jack: Uh…Madame Trunknose? What are you doing down there?
Madame Trunknose: Tying my shoe!
Jack: Again?
Madame Trunknose: It’s the other shoe!
“I can
barely see my reflection in the glass, but…I remember how I could just run…(starts
running)…And…and leap…into the mirror (loud crash) – Ouch! Oooh…I
guess that wasn’t it.” –Jack
“Wait a minute! Why do I
want to go back into that tower??” –Jack
Madame Trunknose: The Fool, wearing butterfly wings, steps off a cliff…
Jack: Yeah. I can relate to that.
Jack (after a loud, female
scream): Good grief! That sounded like Lady Pompon! Something’s
happened!
Madame Trunknose: Perhaps she has sat on a snake!
Jack: Sat on a snake? (more screams) I’d better
find out! (runs out of the room)
Madame Trunknose: If she has, how unfortunate for the poor slippery
old thing! (brief pause) I mean the snake, of course (snickers)…
Jack: Where were you when it was snatched?
Lady Pompon: I was in my bath!
Jack: Well, how long were you in there?
Lady Pompon: That’s PERSONAL!!!
“It’s a
bright, sunny morning. Jack springs out of bed. He opens the windows wide…He
breathes in the fresh spring air…And, with a big smile on his face, he turns
and walks…(loud clunk and an “Ow!” from Jack) right into the stuffed
giraffe’s neck that extends across the room.” –Narrator
Jack: You know, I felt a vibration of some sort…It appeared to
be focused out on the hill…near the temple ruins…
Madame Trunknose: It’s intense!
Jack: Yes, it was! Very intense…
Madame Trunknose: No, I meant your coffee!
“Well, I
mean, to walk off Lady Pompon’s Persian carpet and in exchange, leave a foot
locker filled with feet, I mean, that’s quite a feat!” –Madame Trunknose
Jack: Mojo, have you ever heard of a “ginnath?”
Mojo: Like…The Ginnath Book of Records?
Jack: Well…I found her…
Lady Pompon: (gasps)
Jack: What?
Lady Pompon: You FONDLED her?!?
Jack: Well, when I was driving up here, I actually saw a crow
eating a dead skunk on the side of the road. It was pulling on something that
looked just like spaghetti, but as I drove past, I saw that it was skunk
intestines.
Evie (interested): What do you think it tasted like?
Wham-Bam: Ach, poor poochy Poodles!
Madame Pompon: I heard that!
Wham-Bam: Oops.
“I don’t
know what it feels like to be stuffed, giraffe, but I think we both feel
trapped in here!” –Jack
“Uh…Evie…Evie…I
think there’s something you should know…Well…your laptop is levitating…” –Jack
“Well, tomorrow
morning, you’re going downstairs. No mask of the Madonna Vampyra is inhabiting my
bedroom. In fact, stay over on your side of the bed, all right? –Jack
Jack: Look, when I first came here all those years ago, I was
young, adventurous and, I guess, pretty foolish…
Madame Trunknose: And now you are mature, unadventurous and still foolish…
Jack: Evie? Have you seen the mushroom from Mars?
Evie: No, I don’t get to the movies much…
Evie: Hey! Look what I found!
Jack: What?
Evie: Nothing, it’s just a way to get you in.
Evie: Wow! You are the coolest man I’ve ever met!
Jack: Well…(chuckles)
Evie: But you’re so full of c**p.
“Evie? I…uh…hate to bring you down…” –Jack, when Evie is
sleeping in midair
Evie: Did I drift off?
Mojo: No…but your laptop did.
“Jack?
There is a rather large woman who wishes to speak to your face.” –Wham-Bam
Lady Pompon: Chief, what happened? Your backside appears to be singed!
Mojo: I, uh…got a little too close to the barbecue.
Jack (mumbling): You almost were the barbecue.
“I don’t
know…I’m tired…eventually she’ll quit or die.” –Jack, trying to find the
diva
Madame Trunknose: Can you get that infernal woman out of the wall?
Jack: We can’t find her!
Madame Trunknose: Then here! Look in the Yellow Pages!
Jack: For what?
Madame Trunknose: An exterminator!
Mojo: What do divas eat?
Madame Trunknose: They’re been known to eat an entire chorus.
“Do you
know the difference between a pit bull and a soprano? One wears
lipstick.” –Madame Trunknose
Jack: We don’t want her to die in there!
Madame Trunknose: We don’t?
“Look,
the last thing we need is a soprano’s ghost haunting this place.” –Jack
“She’s
like a boom-boom box with little feet!” –Lady Pompon
“The
frightened bats flatten down their ears and squeak, while the frantic squirrels
scurry about as though looking for a lost ‘nut.’” –The Narrator
Narrator: Jack pulls open the heavy open door…and steps right
into…Tune in tomorrow, when Jack Flanders once again enters the mysterious fourth
tower of Inver –
Jack (interrupting): No, no, no, you can’t do that!
Narrator: Wha – ?
Jack: You can’t stop now!
Narrator: I can’t?
Jack: No! People have been waiting decades for this! You
can’t just leave them hanging!
Narrator: Umm…Well, all right. From the top?
Jack: From the top.
“What
have I gotten into this time?” –Jack, upon entering the fourth tower again
“But
what’s an inch or two of tongue when you’ve got one that’s three feet long?” –Jack
“I knew he
could never resist the alluring call of ‘Angel Baby.’” –Madame Trunknose
“Yes, the
Fool has stepped off the cliff one more time.” –Madame Trunknose
“He can
have him, but not until I bite his head off!” –Bimboshatha
“Oh no,
no, not, that again!” –Jack, when the Wairogi sticks out his tongue
Narrator: Mojo leaps for the hand, but it’s too fast! It jerks back
into the wall and slams the panel shut (slamming sound)
Mojo: Ouch!
Narrator: Well, not quite shut, because Mojo’s fingers are in
there!
Little Frieda: You sure it’s not going somewhere?
Jack: No, because now we’re beginning to spin around in
circles!
Little Frieda: Yeah, but…you know when you pull the plug in a sink…
Jack: You think the water is going somewhere?
Little Frieda: Yeah…going down!
Jack: You think we’re in the middle of a whirlpool?!?
Little Frieda: Yeah!
Jack: Uhh…Uh-oh!
“Wake me
up when you’ve figured it all out, all right?” –Jack
Madonna Vampyra: You know I’m not a real vampire, I don’t
drink blood…
Jack: Oh no, you just go right to the essence, right? You just
slurp up one’s soul…
Madonna Vampyra: I don’t slurp.
Jack: Well, suck…
Madonna Vampyra: So do you!
Madonna Vampyra: Well, I was…I was testing you!
Jack: Testing me? Don’t
you mean tasting me?
Mojo: Are saints always human?
Jack: Well, there’s probably some exceptions, like…Saint
Bernard.
“Interesting
theory, Mojo, but you are aware it’s totally crazy.” –Jack
Mojo: How will pagan Earth energy and a human saint’s energy
mix?
Jack: Yeah, and will it mix? Or will this whole place
just…explode?
Mojo: Come on! What have we got to lose?
Jack: You, nothing. Me, everything.
Mojo: It doesn’t matter, ‘cause that was only one match. And
life is just match after match after match.
Jack: Rub all those matches together and…fire.
Little Frieda: Why do you assume it’s masculine, Jacko?
Jack: Well, we…we assumed…
Little Frieda: You assumed because you are men.
“Every
woman is a feminist. Some just don’t know it yet.” –Little Frieda
“Listen,
Little Frieda, could you consult Saint Sey soon, ‘cause that d**ned espresso
machine is trying to float out the door again…” –Jack
“And
that’s it. No more. Fini. Or as we say here, that’s all she wrote. Er,
that’s all he wrote. In the time remaining, stand on your head and wiggle your toes…walk
in the sky.” –Narrator, at the end of RTI